Myerstown Herald, Vol. V, No. XXXVIII

Posted on 12/29/2007 at 2:30 pm by Bob Cesca

For those of you new to the site, there’s an actual weekly newspaper here in eastern Pennsylvania called The Myerstown Herald. I’ve started a mini-feud with the publisher. But that’s not the fun part. The newspaper has the most hilariously ridiculous headlines ever.

First, this week’s issue features the Myerstown Herald Person of the Year! (pdf)

“Person of the Year: Big Bill! O’Reilly Fights For Traditional Values, Fairness”

Other headlines this week:

Police: Man Hits Mom In Head
Knuckleheads Steal iPhone From Vehicle
Vehicle Goes Down Small Embankment
Pathetic Punks Pilfer Package From Porch
Creeps Take Copper Tubing
Fools Take Phone From Lunchbox
Bozos Use Blunt Object To Damage Mirror

It’s not a joke.

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  • lnbno13

    These guys must fucking hate you.Slugs Swipe Car Radio, SpeakersSlugs? Unless they were moving so slow they got caught, I don’t even see how that’s an insult; and even then it would just be accurate, not really much of an insult. I wonder if he really thinks that if he calls these people silly and childish names they’ll become enraged and come to kick his ass, where he’ll cuff ‘em and order his editor to “take ‘em downtown.”

  • http://panhandletruthsquad.blogspot.com/ blogarillo

    Unless I’ve missed counted, the word “goon” appears 17 times and “losers”, 16. Awesome!

  • Nanotyrannus

    What a sad little sheet. It’s weekly and they have to paid it out with stories about missing license plate, cars (vehicles) hitting posts, and goonies chasing treasure. What’s next? ” Vehicle Backs Out of Driveway?”

  • http://www.broadwaycarl.blogspot.com Broadway Carl

    The vandalism must be rampant in such a small, God-fearing, “fairness and balance” type town.

    Here another headline for them:

    Self Important Hicks Publish Rag