Afternoon Awesome

Sanford has accomplished the impossible: He’s turned me into a deeply religious man. Gov. Sanford has me praying to The Jesus™ and other Fun Divinity Characters (that sexy Hindu elephant is awesome, but it can’t stand the Xenusian that lives in Tom Cruise’s sphincter) that this is the sort of razor-sharp political and economic brainpower we’ll be up against in the Vice Presidential Debate.I love it when he says, “Take for instance the, the issue of … uh … of UM [taps desk in a panic] … I’m drawing a blank, and I hate it when I do that, particularly on television. UH…”Yeah, Mark, drawing a blank on television is the worst of all times to forget something vitally important, not so much during the day-to-day governance of so untroubled a state as South Carolina, where lives and jobs and educations are concerned, but on The Tee-Vee, that’s really got to suck.And then what does he finally come up with? NAFTA! NAFTA KA-POW! NAFTA, bitches! “The contrast on NAFTA”, he says. You want differences, there’s your differences you Economy Whiners! NAFTA! Yeah, I said it: Bush likes him the NAFTA, he supports the Free Trade. McCain? He…uh…McCain, well, he supports it too. Hugely, really. Huge NAFTA supporter. Like Bush. Hmm. Ah well, fuck it, Mark: It’s just the economy, Stupid. No, seriously, you’re enormously stupid, that wasn’t just a recycled Clinton/Gore catchphrase there, you’re just plain stupid. Don’t go on The Wolf Blitzer Power Hour to discuss your candidate’s, you know, candidacy without loading your gun. Tee-Vee hint: “The economy”? Sort of a big deal these days. Might want to prep up a little, douchebag.

Huh? Wait, let me check.

I almost felt embarrassed for the poor bastard. Almost.

Well, the President and Senator McCain both love oranges, but um, you see, the President likes to use his fingernails to get the peel off, but now John McCain, er, um, he likes to use a knife. It goes to credibility……..And Obama, that motherfucker likes apples…….