Equal Rights for Rednecks

Posted on 07/15/2008 at 9:49 am by Bob Cesca

I learned yesterday that we can’t rip on rednecks/white trash/hillbillies anymore, even though many of them believe that Hoo-Sane is an al-Qaeda operative.

Well okay. But that doesn’t mean I can’t go to their hillbilly colonies (or whatever) and sell them lots of monorails and robot insurance.

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  • http://unrelatedcontent.com Travis Disaster

    A hillbilly habitat is a holler, dude.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    Where’d you learn this, Bob Cesca? Who says? Fully a quarter of our livelihood — if we were ever actually paid to be offensive — relies on Hillbilly Vilification (“hillbilification” isn’t yet sweeping the land as we’d hoped, mostly due to so much of “the land” being populated by said Hillbillies, who don’t “truck much” with The Big Words), and a third of that is earmarked for Redneck Bashery. I understand that living in The Hollers can restrict access to “mainstream” media (in their case it’s literal: folks upstream fold newspapers into little boats and sail them down the “main stream” to the Gumps and McCoys that live below), but that doesn’t excuse a willful and strangely proud avoidance of what we toothed Americans call “facts.”

  • http://richeyrich.wordpress.com/ Rich

    Viewed “To Kill a Mockingbird” recently, and every time Bob Ewell opened his cracker hole, all I could think was “Damn! it’s W’s spittin image”

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! “Cracker hole”! Outstanding work.Thank The God™ for Gregory Peck, he singlehandedly put the stomp-ass on The South. He was Atticus Finch, he was Lincoln, he was … uh … MacArthur? Okay, two cracker-whackers and one douchebag, that’s not bad.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    PS – I’m so writing up the paperwork for Robot Insurance. Look for it, Bob Cesca!

  • CMLA

    Who said we can’t make fun of rednecks ?

  • Nanotyrannus

    Witty post that disappeared into iPhone ether yesterday -”Hillbilly habitats are “hollers” but when you put a bunch of them together, it makes a “colony” much like those yellow plastic tubes in hamster cages. However, hamster habitats tend to have higher GDP’s and lower infant mortality rates than Hillbilly Colonies.”