Liveblogging The DNC – Day One

UPDATE: Below the jump, news of an assassination plot in Denver.

7:50PM EDT
Just turning on CNN in time to see “CNN Contributor” Alex Castellanos. And we know what he’s contributing: he’s single-handedly contributing a known racist to their convention coverage. Here’s the lesson… If you create racist television commercials, you too can be a very serious CNN expert.

7:57PM
Bill Maher on MSNBC… “Mitt Romney will have to educate the nation about the lunacy that is Mormonism.”

8PM
Maher and Matthews talking about how “Pawlenty” and “Obama” are funny names. Keith mentioning the name “Spiro Agnew”. And might I add “Roosevelt”, “Eisenhower”, “Adlai”, “Hannibal Hamlin” and “Grover Cleveland”. Hah! Grover! Joking aside, I think “Barack Obama” fits the broad historic notion of a presidential-sounding name. We’ve nominated or elected quite a few really unusual names.

Continued after the jump…


8:14PMSpeaker Pelosi is making with the talking now. We heard her earlier as she was nominated as the chair of convention just prior to the ratification of the platform. And, by the way, she’s wearing a lovely dentist smock.8:19PMSpeaker Pelosi with the “Barack Obama was right — John McCain was wrong” singalong.8:22PMFrank Luntz on O’Reilly talking about the McCain Houses thing. Luntz says that while his focus group of 21 undecided voters thought the Obama attack ad showed that McCain is out of touch, it doesn’t impact them because McCain didn’t use his political position to get the houses. Wow. That’s about right for a focus group — in that focus groups are stupid.8:30PMAn MSNBC reporter just asked Speaker Pelosi, “What does President Clinton want?” Make up your own jokes.8:35PMVia Paddy… Olbermann says to Scarborough: “Jesus, Joe — get a shovel!”8:42PMSo I’ve watched the Olbermann clip a few times now. First, it wasn’t meant to be on the air. That much is obvious. Second, Scarborough was talking out his ass like always. Third, Scarborough didn’t seem to understand what Olbermann meant.8:50PMRachel Maddow: the PUMAs are “post rational.” Brilliant. Of course Buchanan says: “You can’t win their votes by calling them ‘post rational.’” Rachel replies: “I’m not trying to win them over. I’m not running for anything.” (paraphrasing)8:52PMBrokaw interviewing Governor Sebelius. Waiting for him to try to pronounce her name.8:56PMSenator Biden in the arena with his family. Now he’s talking with Chairman Dean. By the way, weird space-time continuum thing… if events had gone differently four years ago, Howard Dean would be running for reelection this year.9:03PMShit. Rocky Mountain News is reporting that law enforcement officials might have uncovered an assassination plot against Senator Obama. More at TPM.9:15PMCaroline Kennedy about to make with the talking.9:20PMI want to have cookies at Senator Kennedy’s house.9:29PMIf you’re like me and you have brothers, this Kennedy tribute is very stirring and emotional. Amazing.9:35PMHave you noticed how liberal tonight has been so far? I haven’t heard much by way of DLC-isms.10PMThe suspected assassin’s name is Tharin Gartrell. More:

Another law enforcement source says he was told at least one of the rifles was a “sniper rifle.”

I’ll wager that Mr. Gartrell has read a lot of whisper campaign e-mails. Also:

CBS4 Investigator Brian Maass reported one of the suspects told authorities they were “going to shoot Obama from a high vantage point using a … rifle … sighted at 750 yards.”Law enforcement sources tell Maass that one of the suspects “was directly asked if they had come to Denver to kill Obama. He responded in the affirmative.”

The old and new media co-conspirators — and that’s what they are — who are circulating these awful and dangerous rumors need to realize what they’re doing here. They are inciting violence against a public official and his family. I hasten to note, however, that there’s no word on whether this plot has to do with the rumors, but I’d be shocked if it wasn’t.10:13PMBuchanan is a big whiny high-pitched puss. For the second time tonight, he’s copped out in an argument with Rachel. Earlier he copped out by saying, “You can’t win their votes with ‘post rational.’” And just now, while debating POW Tourettes, Rachel said that McCain is turning his POW experience into a punchline. And Buchanan replied, “Why don’t you call McCain and tell him!” In other words, in Buchanan’s puss world, if you’re critical of Republican tactics… instead of talking about it on television, you should just call the Republicans on the phone and tell them. Very serious! Puss.10:29PMVery touching bio of Mrs. Obama. Prediction: Buchanan will gripe, “Why did they have to make a video!?” Maddow will reply, “They do this for all of the candidates and their spouses.” Buchanan: “Well aren’t you a smarty pants!”10:35PMHere comes Michelle Obama.10:45PMShe’s a very strong speaker. I can’t remember another candidate’s spouse delivering an impassioned address like this.10:54PMWow! She really does love America after all. [sarcasm]10:58PMWell, that was just outstanding. The moments with the kids after the speech. Absolutely one of the most memorable political scenes of my lifetime.11:02PMFor what it’s worth, Bill “Wrong About Everything” Kristol just called Mrs. Obama’s speech “generic.” Wrong… like always.11:14PMBill Kristol is a fucking asshat.11:26PMSneak preview of Cindy McCain’s speech next week: “When I first met John in exotic Hawaii, and gave him a wicked handjob with my good arm while his disfigured first wife struggled to recover from a serious car accident, I knew John was ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ! Huh-what? Beer! Good night!”11:43PMBreaking News! Karl Rove said Michelle Obama didn’t do enough in her speech. Shocker. He said anyone could have delivered that speech. Also, is it me or is Rove always sinus-y — like he always has a head cold?11:44PMYeah, I think instead of a genuine American first family like the Obamas, we probably should have the McZombies because they’re less exotic. How fucked up is our national discourse when the Obama family — which looks like every family in America — is somehow the weirdo exotic freak family, and the decaying super-rich Magoos are the normal ones.11:53PMThis was a brilliant section:

That is the thread that connects our hearts. That is the thread that runs through my journey and Barack’s journey and so many other improbable journeys that have brought us here tonight, where the current of history meets this new tide of hope.That is why I love this country.

The tide! And look — it’s turning.Good night everyone. I’m guessing Elvis will be blogging in the comments until the Ambien wears off.

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  • KidDynamo0

    Spiro! Lol one of the best names to grace politics.

  • ceu

    She is NOT good at this.

  • cminri

    “She is NOT good at this” – which must be why CNN is talking over her. How did she get to be Speaker?!?!?!?

  • http://obamaproject.windonwater.net QueenTiye

    I think she’s doing ok…But then, I’ve been watching all the boring speakers on C-SPAN, so she’s a vast improvement.QT

  • http://thepoliticalcarnival.blogspot.com/ Paddy
  • cminri

    So Bob..give us visual…are you sitting there in Denver otherwise known as your couch with like 4 tvs on all around you, or do you have picture in picture in picture in picture…or are you furiously switching back and forth?

  • http://thepoliticalcarnival.blogspot.com/ GottaLaff

    Obama is fighting back against the Swiftboaters. Finally, a candidate who plays hardball. Help us fight back:http://thepoliticalcarnival.blogspot.com/2008/08/time-to-go-viral-obama-calls-for-media.html

  • ceu

    She was okay answering questions on MSNBC, but the speech? Barf.oh – Maya Soetoro-Ng. I love her speaking voice!

  • midad

    Thanks for the heads up QT. I switched to C-Span.. MSNBC was not showing Barack’s sister. And they are not covering Jesse Jackson Jr… I’s much rather watch C-SPAN and read the comments here rather than the cable stations.

  • cminri

    Jesse Jackson Jr is giving me goose bumps already!

  • dusty59

    I think Matthews just about shit himself at Maher’s Mormonism line!

  • ceu

    Seeing the tribute to Teddy – talking about universal health care. How many years ago was that? How long has he been fighting for this? I truly hope he’ll be around to see victory in that fight.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    8:01 CST – CNN cameraman spots Spike Lee on convention floor. Frantic CNN director heard shouting, “There’s a black guy white people know, stay on him! STAY ON HIM!”

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    9:15 – Caroline Kennedy bores the shit out of her own family, as Maria “Spongebob Squareface” Shriver seen stifling yawns.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    CNN’s John “Look, I Have A Touchie-Screen!” King seems determined to make Ted Kennedy sound like a fucking gimp by color-commenting on how much attention the poor man needed prior to giving his heart-warming speech.Dear John King: Fuck off.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    UNITY WATCH!8:43 CST – Hot White Democrat with enormous jugs seen attempting some sort of side-to-side white person’s dance while an African American woman struggles to get in the shot. White woman with enormous jugs gives exotic Hawaiian hand-signal Fox News reports means “Death To Christian Babies.”

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    8:47 – John “Most Spectacular Democratic Failure Ever” Kerry opens big Swift-Boat mouth with his stinking-rich Catsup Wife smirking beside him. She really needs another face-lift, her eyes are starting to separate.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    CNN Factoid: FDR the first nominee, in 1932, to deliver an acceptance speech in person at a convention. John King reminded everyone, by radio, that he had to be pushed to the podium in a fucking wheelchair.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    9:07 – Jim Leach, apparently some sort of “Republican” and who moonlights as the voice of Kermit the Frog, mentions that the Democratic tradition “includes Republicans like Teddy Roosevelt, who built up the National Parks system, and broke down corporate monopolies.” On that last part, John McCain — said to idolize TR — says, “Roosevelt did what now?”

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    9:14 CST – James Carville : Just a bitter bald old fuck.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    CNN Consensus: Democratic Convention, Day One = Boring As Ass. After spending literally five minutes bitching about how fucking boring it has been, Cooperson Andersack feverishly reminds viewers we can stream all this ceaseless boredom on CNNLive.com. Because nothing makes a giant sack of ass more interesting than seeing it streamed on the interwebs.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    Is it just me, or does the convention floor and its “crowd” just look pitiful and puny? I was expecting a crushing sea of The Humanity, going out of their mind with Barack Fever. Most of these people are asleep.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    (PS – I’m watching this “live” on the TiVO, so I’m 30 minutes behind everyone else. Michelle hasn’t come on yet in my world. I’m hoping she kicks some ass.)

  • cminri

    I cant wait too see Cindy McCain tell us her “American Story”. Im sure we will all be able to relate to it. NOT!

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    9:23 CST – Michelle Obama’s mother notes they lived “on the South Side of Chicago.” Fox News points out with some alarm that, according to trusted sources, this is the “baddest part of town.”

  • cminri

    I would love to see a debate between Michelle Obama and Cindy McCain….

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    The Michelle Obama Story leaves out the part where Barack left his crippled wife — the one that went through a windshield and suffered two-dozen surgeries in silence, paid for by Ross Perot — so he could bang her and feed on her Beer Money and Political Influence.Oh no wait, that’s fucking John McCain.

  • cminri

    I cant wait to see Cindy McCain tell us the story of how and John McCain met all those years ago…

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    9:25 CST – Barack Obama perpetuates “exotic” label by recounting first date with Michelle, in which he offered to buy her something called “iced cream,” which is apparently some sort of Polynesiomuslim delicacy spun from the milking of frozen Appalachian embryos.

  • cminri

    That was a homerun! Go Michelle~

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    Jesus Christ, Michelle Obama is an angel. What the fuck is the matter with America, we need to put these people in the White House today. Right now, bitches! COUP D’FUCKINGETAT!

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    “And for that, I am so proud. And so blessed.” ~ Michelle Obama’s mother.Dear America – If you blow this, and disappoint this dear old lady, I will personally kill all of you.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    Michelle has Sigourney Weaver’s mouth. That’s fucking hot.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    My #1 Reason To Love Joe Biden (Besides The Perma-Tan) : Playa rocks the BITCHINEST cuff-links in DC, y’all!Christ I’m white.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    Michelle Obama: Blue-collar father, stay-at-home mom. Elitist twat.

  • JG

    Michelle Obama just crushed it–amazing.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    Ah, Michelle’s first gaffe: “That your word is your bond, that you do what you say you’re going to do.”To be fair, John McCain said he was going to cheat on his crippled wife with a whore cheerleader 17 years his junior who had Beer Money and Political Connections, and he did exactly that. Way to fuck that one up, Michelle.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    9:43 CST – Michelle delivers the line “And isn’t that the Great American Story?” and CNN fixes on a Sikh in a blue turban. Everyone at Fox News has a combination embolism/erection.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    11:02 – Bob Cesca inexplicably edits the word “asshat” out of a description of Bill “Fucking Asshat” Kristol. Elvis Dingeldein puts it back in via the following: Dear Bill Kristol: You’re an enormous asshat. Also, your soul is composed of Nazi-shavings and rat excrement.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    9:44 CST – Michelle reminds “women” that this week marks the 88th anniversary of their right to vote (yes, you read that right, historically-challenged Americans with your heads up your asses: 88! Some of your grandmothers were born in shitty, shitty times.); “PUMA”s wave their McCain banners and ignore that strange sensation in their vaginas that turns out to be their souls leaking out of their bodies and sneaking off into real women.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    11:14 – Bob Cesca gets his stride back, GO!

  • http://obamaproject.windonwater.net QueenTiye

    Well – while you guys suffered through the talking heads – I watched the convention – and LOVED so much of it… especially Michelle. She was just… AMAZING! :) QT

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    10:17 CST – Elvis Dingeldein completes first full bottle of 2006* Sutter Home Pinot Grigot by himself, as he and his wife are fighting (again!) and not currently speaking. LiveBlogging expected to bottom out shortly.* AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! “2006″ I says. It’s Sutter fucking Home, this wine cost $5.29. Who gives a shit what year a five-dollar bottle of wine was decanted?

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    Oh my Christ I am such a fag for Barack Obama. He says “Hello Sweetie!” live from Kansas City and I almost burst into tears. I’m an emotional wreck.Seriously America: I will hunt you down and shoot you in the dick if you screw this up.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    11:26 – Bob Cesca makes Elvis Dingeldein laugh out loud, huzzah!

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    10:17 CST – Alex Castellanos : Just a dick with a mustache.

  • http://www.clusterdouche.com Elvis Dingeldein

    I wouldn’t be at all upset if someone were to put Gloria Borger in a dark room in which the only repeated phrase was “It puts the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again” while a small lapdog barked incessantly. That wouldn’t bother me in the least.

  • Leigh

    For Christ’s sake, McMansions was on Leno tonight and asked about the number of homes he owns, and he went into the fucking POW shit for the 1000th time. I’m glad McMansions is NOT a celebrity.Will he stop talking about being a POW if Obama agrees to let McMansions waterboard him?

  • ceu

    Thanks, Bob!

  • bajasteve

    Leigh: if’s funny how, for a guy who doesn’t want to brag about his courage and heroism while a POW, still manages to bring it into every conversation he has, right?Senator McCain: “Noun, verb, POW.”

  • bajasteve

    Talk about funnily-named nominees and elected officials, how about a president named after a cartoon cat? No wonder they shot him!

  • http://eclectablog.blogspot.com Eclectablog

    I don’t know how you can stand to watch Fox or CNN (John King’s Magic Fingers are totally annoying). I watched MSNBC and got to see Olbermann AND Matthews ream people right and left for not being in the bag for the Dems. I LOVE that!BTW, Rachel Maddow owned the night by owning Buchanan. She was on FIRE!!!

  • beil75

    how big of an asshat repug was brian williams?? wow!! i think ko wanted to knock him out. you expect that crap from buchanan & scar, but wow, i was taken aback. and kudos to tweety for snapping right back at buchanan when he said “they didn’t say anything about being a christian.” how rachel can sit by that twit and not punch him, she’s a better person than i am.