Saturday Night Thread

After counting wrongly rejected absentee ballots, Al Franken just gained more votes and is now ahead 225.

Olive, sweet and good to see ya.I am not the welcoming wagon but come on into the PTT it will be a good night.

Hello Olive!A note for GDAB Facebookers could you please let me know somehow who you are? I know that I am missing some folks (like you, Gypsy). My name is Nadine.Teh Minx

They lost, Bob. That damn Axl Rose (not that GDAB Cescan) won. We’ll have to just console ourselves with the knowledge that Chinese Democracy is a shitty album.And welcome, Olive. Props for the interesting handle.

welcome olive. when i was young i used to make everyone call me baby olive oil because i wanted to be popeye’s daughter. reason unknown!gi, it is ptt time, i can now reverse the roles and treat you like a piece of meat! would you like to be tenderized before or after the cooking process? in all honesty i don’t know what tederized means and don’t eat meat so i will just pour honey on you and throw nuts in your general directioni’m ashley on fb minx

kat just got me excited for st paddy’s day on another thread! hehe

I think you tenderize the meat before you put it in the oven.

i have to go…but i will be back later kids. there should be one shout out to an albino midget, complete terror instilled into olivepit, one beating of a gimp, and 2 regulars and 4 lurkers offended by the time i come back!

Gyps is throwing nuts so earlier in the evening…hmmm….she must be in a mood.

*earlyAnd this must be my night for typos. Jane needs some more ammunition, I suppose.

It was getting to hot over in the other thread. I need so hackery.

pooper, over

this holiday/vacation stuff has totally screwed up my sense of time.

Sorry team, this Myface has tracked down ever person I have ever known and they want to talk to me. I just IMed a really old high school friend. But I am back.

Here in Alabama, it’s nothing but 24-7 coverage of the Crimson Tide’s loss to Utah in the Sugar Bowl.The import of this defeat is universally regarded somewhere between Noah’s flood and the burning of Atlanta.

Speaking of Facebook, if anyone wants to join the “GDAB Cescans” group, just search for it and request to join. I’ll accept ‘em as I sees ‘em. Just let us know who you are after you’re in so we can match the user name with the blog commenter or lurker.

Matt, I just spent Thanksgiving and Xmas in the Birmingham and I now know what you are talking about.

I was lurked once. It kinda hurt a little. I liked it.

BC, this the group has taken over more of my life but in a good way.

Pennstate lost in the Rose Bowl and I think I heard some gunshots in the mountains. If Pennstate had won it would have been up there with the birth of Jebus in importance.

I lurked for months but that was because TypeFuck was a nightmare.

What precisely is a Crimson Tide? Because it sounds like something icky.

I’m the one with the The Commies Stop Here as my profile picture… I’m tempted to have Bob’s and my Uncle Sams (Uncles Sam?) fight but his has air support.

No Kat it isn’t Aunt Flow or something icky like that. It is an awesome movie with Denzel, a submarine and a college football team in Tuscaloosa Alabama.

looking for El Myst…Hey I lurked for a long time. Resisted commenting where I’d have to log in. But I had NO idea the sheer amount of Viagra and Rolex ads it was saving us from…now I just have to hear about Snuggies and Sham-WOW!.

I’m lurking right now!Muhahahahaha!

Did the entire football team fit the submarine? Damn…apparently I missed that flick.I lurked for a while too. But eventually I just had to say something – I just couldn’t help myself. And my kid decided today that he wants a Snuggie. Curses upon that commercial!

Kat,the Crimson Tide is a college football team. The University of Alabama never really settled on a team name until (the story goes) the team ran onfield for a game wearing bright red jerseys and the announcer said, “here they come, sweeping across the field like a crimson tide!”the team mascot is an elephant, however. This discrepancy has never figured for me either. But lest you think this an odd quirk of only one academic establishment in the yellowhammer state, I would point out that Alabama’s rival, Auburn University, call themselves the ‘Tigers’ but their mascot is an eagle.

Kat, I only pick on typos if I find them funneh.

Janerooski,I’m waiting for them to come out with Snuggies made out Sham-WOW material, so I can stay warm AND absorbent!

Hey Kat, get yer kid a robe and rip the tag off the neck. If you raised him right, he’ll never know.

I appreciate the explanation, Matt of the Genius Lyrics. Which simply underscores why I don’t watch college football.

Always with the menstruation jokes, huh Kat?

Hmm, Packackackack, you could use it as your bathmat and then put it on to go get dressed…you could spill things on yourself no problem!…would be great in the rain scene at Rocky Horror…Vince says we spend $20 or more a month on paper towels…

Carl is on a mission to bust my ass tonight.I’m usually the sex jokes.

Matt,I was always they called themselves the Crimson Tide because “Oliphants” was too hard to spell.

I will not tolerant the bashing of Sham Wow. That thing is going to dry my boxer briefs when I deploy to Israel or Afghanistan. Do you have any idea how sweaty my balls get in 130 degree heat?

Plus, Pooper, then they’d have to draw those editorial cartoons.

What we need is a nice war in an Arctic region.

Joe, I suppose that all Depends.

Do you have any idea how sweaty my balls get in 130 degree heat?

No, nor do I care to know. By the way, who’s going to strain the ShamWow after usage?

Editorial cartoons rock. Especially showing any animal with big ears…like W

Doesn’t anyone see the big picture? Crimson Tide(RED) and Elephant?Fire Engine Red state for all time.

My typing sucks!It’s time for me to invent a voice recognition software that hits on better than 2% of all words.

Oliphant does them big ears… he really doesn’t like Dubya very much. Always portrays W as a little big-eared guy trying to please Uncle Dick.

Thanks, Carl. You just burned a horrific image into my brain. I’ll need therapy now.

Don’t they give you guys those little solar operated fans anymore? So you can move MORE hot air over yourself?

BC, I am going to make one of the KBR employees ring it out.FUN FACT: Civilian contractor to soldier ratio Gulf War 1:10Civilian contractor to soldier ratio Iraq War 1.25:1Cheney actually said during the Gulf War that 10 to 1 wasn’t enough and had to change that for this war. (He owned KBR at that time)So, seeing how I have my own civilian to work for me I am going to make him/her carry all my shit and ring our my Sham Wow at $100,000 a year tax free.

Well, if not me, Packy, who?

Cheers all! Just here to announce that Wind On Water is finally open for business. And such as, also.Erm… it’s always been open, actually, but I’ve been revamping, and trying to decide where the Obama Project was going to fit in (reported here that I was going to move it, but now I think not so much). Anyway, it’s an evolving project – hope some of you peek in from time to time to see how it goes (my sig now goes there first, and you can get to the Obama Project from there, OR by clicking on the link in Bob’s Blogroll).Tonight, on SciFi – Serenity! I’m watching it, even though it was no where near as good as the series that spawned it.QT

Good plan, Joe. Hope it works out. Be careful when they try feeding you soup.

I’ll never be able to get a Sham-WOW now, thanks Joe.But really, $100,000? Just to squeeze out some sweat? As long as I could get a pair of gloves….

This soup is making me thirsty?

CNN is going to depress/make me mad tonight, I can tell already.

No, Kat it is a $100,000 to drive an air condition Ford Excursion around a secured based and tell Iraqi, Egyptians, and Phillipinos what not to wire up so soldiers die in the shower. Really no shit. No training required.

Brief rant – what the fuck is wrong with MSNBC? I mean, major shit is going down right now, and they are showing “Lockup” re-runs? Way to be a serious news channel, people.

Ooh! Lockup is on?

>> So, seeing how I have my own civilian to work for me …Um, Joe? I don’t think you’ll have them actually working for you.

Remember Kat that liberals can’t do anything right. They fucked up the government, the banks, the cities and the liberal media.You know what if it wasn’t for KO or Rachel I won’t watch anymore.I have been on the Huffpo like twelve times today. So fuck their ratings.

And I think it’s the episode with the guy who ate his parents’ brains, Carlos! How exciting!!(flipping back to Christiane Amanpour)

Actually there’s a couple of images I’m trying to get out of my brain right now, thanks, thanks a lot!

Ceu, it is very clear who works for who in Iraq. The contractors walk around like king shit and the people with the guns hang their heads. I however let every fucking one of the bastards know that I had a gun and some serious PTSD and jealousy.

Joe, I thought the Army liked ‘em stupid. Why are you in there again?

I’m sort of watching this thread and the Colts-Chargers game at the same time.i gotta be honest. I think they need to show the cheerleaders more. A lot more.How’s that for improving images?

PPP, they have other channels for that.

Yes Jane, but those other channels aren’t free. Besides, the cheerleaders are better looking.

Jane,Lord Jesus the Army loves them dumb. I am there because I needed to get away from my parents and hometown.But, I am going to be an Officer which is different than enlisted. They Army wants me to be a thinker so I can make tough decisions without someone telling me in the heat of combat. But I have been in long enough that I am going behind a desk instead of the streets of Baghdad.

What shiny BOOBIES?

Joe,You mean…you’re gonna be a decider?

I depends on the quality of the pay channels, PPP. And yes, I agree with you. More cheerleaders, please.

My cable is out.Every channel tells me it will be be back working shortly.No “Lockup” watching for me tonight.I’m pissed, Kat.

They are looking mighty sparkly, Carl, aren’t they?

Jebus bless HD television.

PPP, there’s always Fox “News.”

Yes Pooper, the Army believes that I have what it takes to make tough decisions. However, I am letting the 21 year old gung ho assholes lead the Infantry. I am going to be a human resources manager.

So the gung ho assholes go to you for their sham-wow?

I’m sure KBR et al will provide the Sham Wows…for a nominal fee.

No, I write the citations for their purple hearts and make sure it is mailed to their parents.Yes, KBR would provide Sham Wows for $300 a piece. Remember they operate under a cost plus contract with the government.

Has anyone been charged with war profiteering lately?Fuckers.

Jane, will you marry me? War profiteering is what the Iraq/Afghanistan Wars are all about, not oil.

Marriage is an institution, Joe.

Wait. Can you cook? Hm.

You mean like a mental institution, Jane?

It is an institution of love and yes.

Exactly, Carlos.

This PTT isn’t over yet!! I am still awake and need a constant flow of insanity. Every time I bring the military shit all I get is crickets, so I will take the hint and stop. BOOBIES.Did you all hear that Obama is the Pres. Elect?

Wow, was that lovey-dovey thing a… dare I say it?… THREAD KILLER?!

It was a joke. For fuck sake I am divorced and love it. Marriage is code for testicle removal and vagina shutting.

Almost, apparently.Joe, the crickets were about marriage. If I can’t say something nice…

Jane is that a picture of you and Al Franken?

I have nothing to say about marriage. Nada. Zip.

I guess you reinstall the testicles after a divorce? Or else you won’t need all the Sham Wows.

Wow. Who started talking about marriage? Are you trying to drown the PTT in the bathtub Grover Norquist style??Also, hey, guys!

Yes, Joe. Yes it is. After a live radio broadcast he did here last year.

PTT Rule:No Marriage, gay, political, Israel, military and love comments or thread dies.

Jesus Fucking Hussein Christ. I’m watching 48 Hours mystery and vowing off love/marriage/casualdating altogether. Damn there are some scary sick people out there.

Religion, on the other hand, turns a thread into an unkillable zombie.

Hey Redmond. Please come talk about something not depressing or wrist-slitting worthy.

Hey bro I fucked it up. It is the story of my life. I swear I say,”No honey that isn’t all I have reserves” more than anything else on a daily basis.

Shit. And I was about to make a Neil Patrick Harris joke where the punchline involves me proposing marriage to Hamas to prove my life of Sham Wow’d testicles.Nice save, Joe!

I’m watching Psychic Kids. The first kid’s mom believes there are only angels and demons. No ghosts except the holy one.

Religion + homosexuality = cockroach

Didja hear the one about the married gay politician who joined the Israeli military and loved it?

hi all…did jane call for a war on penguins?anyone read “why are we at war?” by norman mailer?never ever ever never have i ever thought about marriage! NEVER EVERlee’s radio show about “artists, authors, musicians, filmmakers, crafters and other assorted creative types “…awesome!

Yeah, everything Gypsy just said!

You know with the recession and all you would think the cable companies would but something worth waiting on TV. Holy Lord, I just watch Skinwalkers and want to remove all my skin starting with my genitals.

Yes, Gypsy. I hate those waddling little overdressed flightless fuckers.

Seriously, y’all. Scary motherfucker on 48 Hours right now. And I can’t look away!! Somebody save me!!!

Quick Jane, throw a dead penguin at Kat’s TV.

redmond….fine line with the neil patrick harris jokes…he’s kinda a big deal to me…in case you haven’t seen my support group on fb…”what would neil patrick harris do?”

NPH is awesome.

And the thread is saved! This calls for BOOBIES!

I had no idea the Doogie was a sacred institution. On that note, I have never made any derogatory comments about him in the past. No, never…

clean your mouth out with soap…http://thesituationist.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/cute-baby-penguins.jpg

i will “str8t up killz” for my nph!

Saw the baby penguins… and boy can they dance!

And were back. Doogie is off limits? I grew up watching that show and wanted to build bombs with my swiss army knife. I think I got that wrong.

So way to tease, Kat. The good part on 48 hours is the beginning. I’m too late, dammit, too laaaaate!

one of the best lines i have heard in my life by nph…”i didn’t have a chance to tell you i got fired i was in jail”

No, Carl. No boobies for you. And I’ll tell you why:Today, I went into Best Buy and actually eyed up Chinese Democracy for $9.99 for a minute because you jokingly suggested it last night. So, now, I have to live with that for the rest of my life.

Now I must have a baby penguin. Jesus they are cute.

Be glad you missed it, Jane. Scary freaky people. I swear, I’m never dating again. Can you become a nun if you have had multiple partners?

>>>Ooh! Lockup is on?Not just Lockup. Lockup: Raw. And who doesn’t like it raw… I…er… um…

No, Joe. That was MacGyver. You’re thinking of that show set in a hospital, and in the series finale you find out that it was all in an autistic kid’s imagination as he’s staring at a snowglobe of the hospital building. That fucking blew.

Joe, I think that was McGyver, not Doogie. McGyver built nuclear bombs with baling wire and matches, Doogie was a physician.

SHAME Brother SHAME!!

Was that seriously how Doogie ended? You’re kidding me right? So there is something worse than the Sopranos ending…

No, Carl. No boobies for you.

Red, you have me mistaken for someone else. Guns n Roses isn’t my thang, and a GnD CD that’s been in the making for 20 years even less so.

if you are refering to my macgyver, that will lead me two rule number 2…

Kat, you can have multiple partners, but don’t get into the habit.

a: I had such an odd little crush on Doogie.b: My mom told me she wants a sham-wow. I’m not sure what to do with that information.c: I must be an outlier, I can’t WAIT for marriage.

Can you become a nun if you have had multiple partners?

Never stopped ‘em before.

Shit, it was Axl. Okay, Carl, I may have been cursing you all day, so listen, don’t go anywhere near hanging lights or those giant sandbags used on Broadway curtains until the Huju wears off.

Kat you will have to check with Jane she is the nun fucker.McGyver YES! It was the best show of my childhood next to the A-TEAM.

St Elsewhere

>>>You’re thinking of that show set in a hospital, and in the series finale you find out that it was all in an autistic kid’s imagination as he’s staring at a snowglobe of the hospital building. That fucking blew.I thought that was St. Elsewhere?

Red – That was actually St. Elsewhere.

damn it redmond don’t every say sporanos ending in my presence! what is up with the brothers tonight? are they trying to stroke me out of this life?!?!

Wow. We’re scary. We all think of the same shit at the same time.

Rule #7no sopranos*JOE is still whistling A-TEAM theme song*

Leaving now, gang. Catch you on the flip side.

Sorry, Gyps. Let me make it up to you:Tony Soprano was killed by Neil Patrick Harris who didn’t make an ironic statement afterward.SHAMWOW!

theo that is because you are told you can’t…if someone told me i couldn’t have a hotdog i would break a limb trying to get that misc. body parts grinded into fat in my mouth!

Not me kitty kat.*still whistling*

G’night, Carlos.

Gyps…that whole hot dog thing….ewwwwwww

Night, Carl!

Nite Carlos. Avoid the sandbags.

gypsy, you can’t talk like that until the Late Night PTT starts.theo, I will personally break your femur before I allow you to get married. Don’t punish yourself. Take all female life lessons from gypsy,jane,kat,dp and ceu.

this tv time period reminds me that last year a guy told me i looked like a “thicker” daisy duke…hahahah…

Damn, Kat, you can see the crazy in the 48-hour guy’s eyes.

i know kat i had to pause typing out of dry heaving fits!is it a good thing that we all think alike? not convinced yet!

another nph-ism…”you’re a special person and not just because you wear a helmet”

question…is 50 the new 30? i know my 29 feels like 12. i am still as lost and confused as ever!

Both of them, Jane. Scary, scary!!

I don’t think the spread is quite that wide, Gyps. But I think people are maintaining their youthfulness, for good or bad, longer. I’m 33 and don’t feel a day over 25.

i dance naked to michael buble! just a little shock and awe to see if i am alone

How do you kill a half person?

as if you don’t know jane!

GI: I think you have to wait ’till november to break my femur.So…how was everyone’s day?

Right??? I think his fucked up logic was that the person was almost dead when he got there…so he made sure they were really dead. Icky, icky man.

me too gypsy. However, I am 27 and feel like I am 40. There isn’t a joint on my body that isn’t sore.

I’m about be to 29 shortly and I just bought $100 worth of Batman LEGOs off eBay. I’m aiming for 70 being the new 25.

Damn. Me sitting here with no freakin cable. “This channel will return shortly on every one. No 48 hrs. No scary psycho killer dudes to watch.On a side note: Why was the Soprano ending any worse than “Dallas,” St. Elsewhere,” or for that matter, “Newhart?”They were all a cop out by the writers imho.

Count your blessing, Packy. SCARY!!!

Speaking of terrible writing, what the super fuck happened to Heroes? That show used to be my crack during the first season, now I can’t even turn it on without wincing. It literally killed my infatuation with Hayden Panettiere it got so bad.

I’m about to be going Grammar Nazi on Redmond shortly.

No. Not you, Kat!

“I choked her, with the most unsophisticated chokehold that any judo instructor would completely despise you for ever using”–WTF.That chick found crazy twice in a row.

Heroes died when then sent Hiro to ancient Japan. And killed Adam Monroe. And showed fucking Syler in a fucking apron!!!

Red. I think we are both Pisces Monkeys.

See…told you, Jane. That shit will make you swear off men for-fucking-ever.

WTF are you talking about jane. Someone please tell me what channel this “48 hour orgasm” show is on.

Kat, EXACTLY! I knew things were getting bad last season and hoped for the best, but Jesus H. Christ. And Mohinder is apparently Jeff Goldblum The Fly now. I seriously quit watching a few weeks ago and haven’t looked back.

heroes…TOO MANY! they should never have added all these extra heroes so they could focus on the story and not cool heroy powers

Jane, you just freaked me out because I’ve only heard one person use the term named “Pisces Monkey.”It was 2003 and she was a stripper named Phoenix. True/expensive story.

Yea, Mohinder was always a shitty character, but I have no idea what is going on with him now. And past-Peter and present-Peter and future-Peter? I got lost.Speaking of lost….LOST comes back January 21!!! That show gives me multiple orgasms. Actually…my lust for Sawyer gives me multiple orgasms.

LOST!!!! CAN’T WAIT!!!!!! how do we get anything accomplished in life?!?!

Heroes had potential… but squandered it.The only reason I watch is because Hayden Panattiere is hot (yeah, I’m a dirty old man).

CNN really fucks me up. Every time I hear this dude say “Richard Roth” I hear “Richard Wolffe” and get all excited…but then I see some old ugly American dude. Total buzzkill.

We don’t that is why we have the PTT. Without it we would have to watch more TV.Kat having multiple orgasms gives me multiple orgasms along with the idea of gypsy breaking peoples limbs to get a hotdog.

Kat, left you a MyFace present. You may need a ShamWow…

Watch out for PTTSTDs, kids.

Packy, once she stopped wearing the cheerleader outfit, they basically should’ve canceled the show. I really didn’t see the point after that.Then again, that’s just me and my uncanny showbiz skills.

pttstd’s…nothing the great cesca can’t cure!

Ohhhh Redmond…you are toooo good to me. Miaow. Anyone wanna come squeeze my Shamwow?And regarding your question…why can’t I have both?

yeah, i liked hayden better before she became “lip-quivering serious unkillable girl”…i googled quivering to be sure of spelling…do it and check out the images..hehe

Nah, she’s still hot. But the story keeps getting more and more stupid and contrived.

My cable’s back on. Gonna go watch me some psycho killers.

You have been warned, Packy.

God, Red. I had to see the Whinehouse pics you were talking about. Digging for gold bars indeed.

saw 3 or good will hunting?!?!

Good Will Hunting. By far.

I’m not even sure of the topic, Gyps, and I’m going with Good Will Hunting. I liked that movie.

love good will hunting also but luz me sum gore too!

Jane, don’t remind me. I’ve been having photo-editing flashbacks all day.OH GOD!I’m in a happy place.I’m in a happy place.I’m in a happy place.I’m in a happy place.I’m in a happy place.I’m in a happy place.I’m in a happy place…

MSNBC should be spanked. I mean, really. Send them to me and I’ll take care of it.

I think FB is randomly poking people. Including me.I knew it was evil.

ok, just decided i am staying in tonight and in honor of winehouse i will partake in some red…which i kinda have to drink without the male species in close contact so it is all working out for me

I need a Sham Wow, Kat loves gore.Does your happy place have the A-Team song playing in it? DadaDaaa..DaDaDaaa.DaDaDa.

Jeez, Gyps. If you are doing something in honor of Winehouse, it should probably be crack. But I’m drinking red too. Not our Red, but red wine.

Gypsy, are you saying red wine makes you fart?

I taste like happy. So basically beer.

i learn all my life lesson from whitney houston and “crack is whack”

Kat doesn’t love gore, Joe. What PTT are you reading? Kat loves Sawyer.

jane, i think a fart like noise would occur.

What kind of beer, Redmond? I’d drink you if you tasted like Stella Artois.

gypsy love gore, i am hurt gi…sluts aren’t interchangable!

Redmondbrau: It’s got bubbles!

gi…don’t think this went unnoticed >>jane, i think a fart like noise would occur.

I am losing at My Face Texas Hold’Em. Goddammit.

Gypsy, what movie am I thinking of where people paid to go in this warehouse and kill a person? Main guy escapes by dressing up as a client. Hostel?

Kat, please don’t remind me of My Face Poker. I want to live a quasi-productive life, and Jesus Christ, you’re a 100K PRO?! *hides wallet*

does red wine make anyone else go from sober to body rocking knocking the boots in 2.5 sips?

Listening to CNN I am prompted to pull a Mr. Bob Cesca:”Why can’t Obama stop the Gaza crisis? Why is he sitting on his hands on not doing anything? He should have stopped this war by now!”

Gyspy, you must be a blast at Communion.

Yes, me. Hostel.

Jane.It was Hostel.

Bring it, Redmond. I need to win. I’ve been losing steadily for almost an hour.

yeah jane that sounds like hostel…have you seen turistas? not that gory but will def make you rethink your surf trip to central/south america!

Has anyone seen Cubed or Cubed Zero? Worth the time?

Sorry, gypsy I am just a child and laugh every time I heard that noise. I immediately apologize and say it is OK.Dave Attell’s on Comedy Central.

haven’t seen cubed/cubed zero…

Hey Redmond…why isn’t your My Face chat stuff working? That’s the best way to play poker.

god is cruel to girls gi! i feel like he is a little boy laughing at us as well!

That is why I am allowed to stone my wife and sell my daughters into slavery. God does hate women.

anyone else get extremely annoyed with minnie driver? but i love the circle of friends

Gyspy, I just watched Grosse Pointe Blank with her in it. I dunno why, but she is hot despite her face being like five hundred shapes at once.

Dog dick red! Hah.. Classic

Good call on the movie, Red. Grosse Pointe Blank is a damn classic.

i try to wow him with cleveriness when he posts on huffpo! hehe…you think he reads the comments!

my vagina is curious about the type of people you gals/guys are interested in!explanation and top 3…GDAB’ers GO!

Funny. Liberal. Intelligent.

Breathing also nice.

and here i thought you liked silent, bound, and obedient

What exactly are we talking about here, Gyps?

minnie’s confidence is admirable…wish i had it

Deal breakers:Personalized license plates. Touchy-feelyness. Religiousness.

as a partner

hehe…jane you make me laugh! out loud and often!

the guys don’t have to answer…it would just be repeated postings…has to have…right boobleft boobva-jay-jay

A partner? Must clarify….sexual, romantic, dinner?

Gypsy, stop reading my mind!

I stand by my previous answer regardless. If I don’t like you enough to practically live with you, I really don’t care to see your pe-nay-nay.

Or watch you eat.

a mate…someone you open your entire life too…can you tell i am at the point of wine drunk where you need to go to sleep or drink more quickly!

Wait, Jane: Touchyfeeliness is out? What the fuck?

PS – Funny? Check. Liberal? Super-check. Intelligent? Mega-check.But bitch, I’m touchy. And I’m feelie. Suck it.

And as for The Religiousness, I make Richard Dawkins look like the fucking Pope on Easter Sunday.

Open my entire life to? That is a truly terrifying thought, Gyps.Top 3:HonestyPassionAdores my sonDamn…now I need to say something snarky after all that soul-baring.

Goddamn lurkers.I love you Elvis!

And I forgot:IS ELVIS FUCKING DINGELDEIN

Here’s how tolerant I am of The Christianity: When it was released, my idea of fun was to attend screenings of THE PASSION OF THE CHRIST (Oh! The Passion!), wait for the whipping and the beating and the various Biblical unpleasantnesses to begin, then get my laugh on a’la Max Cady.Oh that’s a good time.

I’m so proud of you for letting the gimps out, Jane.

Oh, and my Top 3, in all honesty and snark aside, are exactly Jane’s Top 3. But in reverse order.

Sorry buddy, you get all touchy-feely, saying you’re an honorary woman cause you’re a feminist too, I have to break out the whip.

Is this the real elvis jane?Anyway:non breedernot jealous of “Man Time”intelligent/liberal(same thing)

jane upon consideration i will need another quality. intelligent and liberal one in the same!

Looks like Mila Kunis.Is Mila Kunis.Access to a speedboat.

Joe, you want a non breeder? Fucking hypocrite. Didn’t you spawn twins?

read my freaking mind joe!

I’m watching 300 right now on The Cable and to be honest, I’d fuck Gerard Butler even if he was dumb, dull and Republican.

Okay. Funny, Liberal slash intelligent, independent. Although the needy = the touchyfeelyness I was referring to.

“Not jealous of Man Time”Only if you aren’t jealous of “Girl Time”

so her being with macaulay culkin for like 6 years hasn’t turned you off?

Now I have to google Gerard Butler.

Jane, yes I did and I have learned my lesson. I love the kids hate the spawner.

300 is total chick porn. I’d fuck the whole lot of those Spartans.

Spawner, heal thyself.

Kat, I would have paid my ex to have girl time. Just let me have a beer after work for the love of God.

holy shit jane…you don’t know who gerald butler is???http://aura1.gaia.com/photos/19/184354/large/Gerald_Butler.jpgand this is WITH clothes!

Who is with Macauley Culkin for 6 years?

I mean, my wife ….Okay, she’s gone. All that stuff about Mila Kunis. Plus fill the speedboat with chocolate sauce and Hot Wheels.

kat you start on one end and i on the other!

I’m begging Redmond for recent shirtless Gerard Butler pics, but he’s not giving them up.

mila kunis is with home alone boy

Yeah, Gypsy…he’s okay I guess.*pant pant pant* (types one handed)

I can only watch 300 alone, as the mere sight of The Gerard in nothing but a bright red loincloth makes my wife regard me with disgust for days on end. Gerard Butler and his Magnificent Abdominals make me wish I had a 30-foot vagina, a wide-mouthed funnel and a Costco-sized vat of Viagra.

>>heal thyself???Yes, 300 is fun for the whole family. I like the ancient sex scene because all the basics are covered except foreplay.

TONIGHT WE DINE IN THE BASEMENT!

Oh Jane, when aren’t you typing one-handed?

Now I’m watching Deadwood reruns. You know what I can’t get past? That the bad-ass bartender at The Gem was the fucking guy that played Warren The Retard in There’s Something About Mary. That simply blows my fucking mind.

As for Macauley, I know his weakness.*picks up phone*Hello? Michael Jackson? It’s favor time…

Elvis is obviously in touch with his inner woman.

oy…just got lost in gerard photos.

Okay, I haven’t been here long enough but I am visualizing Jane and Elvis sitting on the same couch blogging right now. I think I may be right.

Oh Jane, get thee to Nebraska and I’ll show you how in touch I can be with your inner woman, sister.

I like the ancient sex scene because it’s insanely fucking hot, Joe. Done.

Joe, if Jane and I were on the same couch right now the last fucking thing we’d be doing is blogging, we can assue you of that.

What about your wife? Shall I keep her in the basement until you’re done?

i feel you dingleberry…kinda like watching stephen root in anything other than office space.

I just poured my last two fingers of Maker’s Mark. My mood will soon sour.

I heard the noise again.

My what now?

Elvis, I’ve got some Gosling’s Black Seal. It’s not the worst substitute. Where’s a glass?

Elvis are you a nun? I am pretty sure you have to be a nun for that to happen.

not me this time gi…it’s the 30 foot vagina elvis gave jane…be back in a sec…youtube 300 sex scene time!

Elvis & Jane…y’all seriously need to get a room. Or a basement. Or whatever…

Come back with it gypsy and I will call you, MY QUEEN!!!

Why can’t Tim Olyphant be Deadwood good in ANYTHING else? Except for the sleazy pornographer he played in The Girl Next Door (Elisha Cuthbert as a porn star, extremely high whack-factor but also a genuinely funny movie), he has sucked Horton The Elephant-sized testicle sac in everything he’s done outside Deadwood. Dick.

Blurb from youtube:”It is a scene from the movie 300 and it contains good pleasure to the viewer.”

So, Elvis…how is JFK?

Mmmmmmmm, good pleasure. ‘Nuff said.

Everything Elvis just said about Tim Olyphant plus Ian McShane. Death Race? What the fuck?Night, everyone.

Adding: Who ever told Powers Booth he could fucking act? I’ve thespianated harder while half-drunk and just home from an unplanned stop at the one strip club in town where the whores wear fifty times their body weight in glitter and perfume than Powers Booth has ever acted in his life, and WHO THE FUCK names their kid “Powers”? I want to speak with his parents!

Good night, Redmond. I hope you have lots of boobs to snark about tomorrow!(and perhaps a naked picture of Gerard Butler?)

Don’t do his work for him kat. He needs something to do for two hours a day.

What about Keanu Reeves, Elvis?This is a test. I fucking hate Keanu.

It is work, Joe. Apparently hot Gerard has gotten all shy suddenly. Bastard. Doesn’t he realize that women need to see him half-naked in order to sleep at night?

can’t find a full clip…but this shoes boobies halfway through…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n00f4adRl_g

But for the first (and only, in my estimation) Matrix, Keanu can eat rat poison. I saw that movie 10 times in the theater (because I’m a devotee of William Gibson’s, and that movie was the first thing to come anywhere near his cyberpunk wonderfulness) and so a little Keanu Magic rubbed off on me, I think. But other than that: rat poison.

Nice one, Gyp. I love that Lena Headey has actual bosoms, like pre-1970s tittage. She’s a beautiful woman, and kudos and huzzah to her in perpetuity for resisting the urge to upgrade into a B-cup.

Joe…your brother just took like 5 grand from me in Poker. If he wasn’t so goddamn clever with teh words…

Kat,Now I know you are lying. Women don’t sleep after that. They need to run around the house, organize their shoes, clean the bathroom or cook something.(This isn’t sexist it is a joke and I am drunk)

Is rat poison a nice, slow, painful death that (I) you might hang around to watch? Would he cry out in agony so loud that (I) you should bring earplugs?

No, rat poison pretty much puts paid and that’s that. For the agonizing and the earplugginess and whatnot you really need a good slug of antifreeze.Mmmmm, antifreeze. It’s tasty!

I’m drunk too. And no, I need it to sleep. If a woman feels the need to cook after an orgasm, there is something wrong.

Joe, I think that was just your wife. Makes me sleepy. (Or so I remember.)

What are you drinking, Joe? I just had my last sorry sip of The Maker’s, so I’ve got to live vicariously now.

See…it’s a Kat/Jane consensus.

Elvis, you should really plan ahead. Can you buy the alcohol in the Nebraska on the Sunday? Lord’s day and all.

holy potatoes…youtube has some decent girl on girl! which i have not been watching for the past 15 minutes.

We can buy after noon here in the Bible belt. Is there a more stringent law somewhere?

It has been more than the wife. I don’t know if I push the nesting button or something is wrong with me. I guarantee you that I push the crazy button every time. I have had more than a few dead birds in my mailbox. Just crappy american beer tonite.

Ever been to the x-rated tube Gyps? Which I’ve only heard about, of course…

I wasn’t aware, prior to the liquor purveyors shutting down their purveyin’ for the night, that my wife had tapped my 1.75 liter jug of that Loretto, KY gold after finding her wine stores suspiciously depleted. So yes, I typically plan WELL in advance, but was surprised by a thieving spouse that drinks wine faster than I can put down bourbon.Fuck.

I am waiting on gypsy to weigh in.gypsy, sleep, clean or cook after “O”?

>>thieving spouse..HAHAt least it wasn’t your car or children. I don’t know I think I could put down wine faster than bourbon.

Seriously, clean???I don’t need much of an excuse not to clean, and an orgasm sounds like a worthy one.

i am usually ready for round two afterwards. but if a proper job has occured i am off to sleep as well! but only at night…nothing beats morning and middays!

Ahhh…Gyps…I love the midday. 3 in the after is like the perfect time for me. In fact I have this friend who will text me at 3 p.m. asking what I am doing. I love it.

Kat, were you Catholic?Signed,The Inquisition

jane, remember I don’t have the same hardware and this is strictly an observation. It has happen a lot and I am wondering that there is something wrong. Trust me I am out like a light after mine. No snuggie or lovey from me, unless you count laying on my partner as coddling.

*afternoonI forgot the whole word.

i would have to say my fav is morning followed by quickies anytime anywhere. i love a quickie

wondering who suspiciously depleted the wine stores…

Dear The Inquisition,No.Signed,Kat

OK!!!!I am taking notes now. The female orgasm has a timer, got it. Shit I have used the same tactics for years and sometimes yes sometimes no. But time is a whole new concept. I like.

Too bad. You’d prolly drive the nuns wild…in one way or the other.

jane and gi…favorite time?

Yeah, same here, Joe. I usually write a sweet note on fine Crane’s stationery (My love, you were sublime, I shall count the moments until our next union…) and Scotch tape it to my forehead in lieu of Snuggie and Lovey, as post-coital-bliss I become 240 pounds of Instantly-Inert Sandbag with record-setting blackout capacity.

Why is it almost 2 a.m. and there is no music on MTV or VH1? Fuckers. When I was fucking 18…there was goddamn Headbangers Ball on at night. Bastards.

I like wake up because I am a dude. That means when I wake up which is usually 10am-2pm.

of course you do elvis…guys usually get theirs!

Trying to decide between the side of a mountain, in a lake, in the ocean, on a jungle gym, on a school bus…and sensing a theme.

Don’t worry kat we can get started at 2pm and you can finish at 3pm. (Ok, that was the booze talking, I will be done at 2:05pm with foreplay)

Okay, flipped from Deadwood to something called Doomsday, which appears to be a sort of Mad Max ripoff but which stars Rhona Mitra in black spandex. I would literally kick my sainted granny down the Exorcist Steps and then urinate on her shuddering bag of bones for thirty seconds with Rhona Mitra’s big toe.

Every woman is different Joe, at is the key. You just need to find out what your woman wants. And for that, you need to ask. I don’t think any woman, if asked “When do you like to make love?”, would lie about it? And remember what she says. Some women like the night. Some like the morning. I personally don’t like the morning. I’m too drowsy and it take me for-fucking-ever to come, so it’s not a personal fav. But some women love it. Not all of us are the same. You have to ask.

And the top level of a parking garage is convenient, if you’re on a lunch break or on your way out of town.

Goddamn, I can’t type worth a fucking damn when I’m drunk. So please just mentally correct all the typos I just made.

Or so I hear.

Did Kat just say “come”? Good lord, have I been gone that long?

Oh, god, I love a lunch break, Jane. In the office supply closet.

yes…ASK!!! kat we need to do a world tour with this shit!i am still thinking about morning sex…cue tongue tingling

Yes, Elvis. Yes you have.

Kat, you had me until you said talk to her.YES, Elvis that movie ripped off a lot of movies. The ending is playing the same song at the ending of 28 Days Later.

You are right, Elvis. I should have said “cum.”

I love morning sex. In 13 years I’ve had it exactly once, and that one time resulted in the conception of my only child. That’s some serious magic there.

office…mens bathroom…elevator…stairwell… cue tongue reeeaallly tingling

Kat, we have a supply cabinet. Won’t work.

Shit. I go away for a little while, and when I come back this place is like Dr. Ruth show on steroids. WTF?

My supply closet can fit me + three other men in it. I fucking love my supply closet. So far, I’ve had a carpenter in there, and a roofer…..

Yeah, no shit, Packy. I still can’t get past the fact that Kat has problems cumming in the morning.

packy i think you need to down a bottle of wine and everything will make sense

Gypsy, you’re in a fine Southern climate now, and like your Mom said, go play outside.

Is Kat using “supply closet” as clever word play for “vagina”?

I can eventually get there, Elvis, it just takes a while. But if you are up for a workout, I say go for it…..

No, honey. If “supply closet” was key for “vagina” I would have kept going.

also…with jane on water sex! pool at night…hot tub during day…

Kat, do you work at Quickie Home Remodeling on Market St?

>>>Gypsy, you’re in a fine Southern climate now, and like your Mom said, go play outside.Just don’t get caught. They’ll arrest you for certain things *ahem* in the South.

I wish, Jane. I would have reached “Whore” status a long time ago if I did.

supply closet-codeword for vagina, got itElvis, get out of my mind. I may of produced the twins in the morning.I want to change my favorite time to the time when I am not fertile.

i am a birth control baby…i don’t know whether i was “meant” to be here or a science/nature mistake

Joe, we call it a supply-clay-clay now.

Heh. “Clay.”

I was a Florida cruise baby. Or so I am told.

I am a poster child for birth control. My parents though they couldn’t have kids. My son’s father thought he was infertile. When I go off birth control, I get pregnant. USE BIRTH CONTROL, KIDS.

Heh.I like better than va-jay-jay.

Well, Kat, I always say, think in one hand, fuck in the other, see which one has a baby faster.

Yeah, only you and Bob get why I heh’d that.

Wasn’t Clay used to make dildos?

Tease. Fucking tease.

I think my grammar gets better when I am drunk, because you guys are breaking down on me. As a dude, I believe that everything I do is better when I am drunk, to include baby making. YES KIDS, BIRTH CONTROL WORKS. I like public service announcements. Where is Theo, she needs to be here for this stuff.

Right now Jane’s wondering how much clay she can accomodate right now. She loves, loves, loves the clay.Seriously, she loves clay.

All right, I’ll explain, Kat. Elvis had a brief fling with Clay Aiken.He’s usually quite sensitive about it. Must be the whiskey talking.

I just found my Mr. Sculpy the other day, too.

Jane can probably accommodate more Clay than there is available right now. And I hate it when that happens.

Damn it’s good to see your typed words again, ED.

Such a poor substitute for real, honest-to-goodness clay…

Remember, Joe…you have to actually USE birth control in order for it to work. That’s pretty key.

And Kat, you have no idea. Or else you do.

Nor have you any idea, Jane. Or else you do.

I don’t have any idea of anything Jane. All I know if that the idea of clay dildos doesn’t nearly stand up to the real thing. Weren’t we discussing this the other night on some thread about how sex has changed over the years?

Refresh my memory, Kat?

clay can’t come close to one of my babies….http://www.tendancehightech.com/blog/images/gadget/Lelo-YVA-Sex-Toy.jpg

Birth Control! Apply directly to the forehead!

I want to know, since it’s fucking 2:30 a.m. and I am fucking drunk!, is The Mr. Elvis Dingeldein back with us for good, or is this a fucking cock/pussytease? I miss The Mr. Elvis Dingeldein and his posts, goddammit. Come back and stop taunting us, Elvis. Jane will whip you for days in reward.

Gypsy, have you tried clay? How can you be sure?

i was in that conversation kat…basically…sex better then or now?yes same stick is entering same hole but vast differencesstd, taught fear of sex, only if you want a baby,

gypsy, is that the Holy Grail of vibrators?I am out for the night team. I have to go try what I have learn here tonite. Thanks.

Kat, I believe the answer to your question is 47.

Look at last night’s, PTT, Jane. And the question about if sex was better back in the ’60′s or now.

So what about that thread had to do with clay again?

Kat: Yes.

nite gi make us proud!

I think tonight should be about nothing but clay, don’t you, Jane?

jane i am pretty sure even clay made an apperance while in college

Jesus Fucking Hussein Christ. Why does Clay want everything to be about him? What about Mud? and Dirt? And Stone? I mean, don’t they have a say?

Kat: No.

hold the fuck up. are we talking about the aiken? if so, to throw about another whitney houstonism “hell to tha nah”

Elvis, I concur. Would you like some Gosling’s? Tea, perhaps?Gypsy, are you saying as recently as the late 20th century you had seen clay used in the manufacture of sexual “enhancers”?

And welcome back, Mr. Elvis Dingeldein. Don’t you dare do that shit to us again.

jane i am from a mining and pottery town in nc…i started out at WCU…yes i have used…i mean seen wood-fired clay dildos

If I stay much longer I’m going to ask Jane to run away with me to The Tahiti, so I’m going to add some pharmacalogical assistance to the piddling draught of Maker’s left me and say goodnight. Unless Jane wants to call me and talk about clay and whatnot.

Clay is malleable, like mud and dirt. Until you bake it and it gets hard, like stone.Then you’re just stuck with what you’ve got.

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=15830142

Very malleable indeed. And yours is the hottest kiln in town, Jane.

i have wooden sex toys also…i am kinda an eco freak….i am out too…after a little…nevermind

Geez, ED. I’ll talk about clay and whatnot any time. But I guess I’m at your mercy, since you got out of the basement I’ll never find you again.Don’t be strange. Wait, don’t be a stranger.

Pfft at the idea of some man’s mercy, Jane. They are supposed to be at ours, right? I mean, we can always make more clay dildos.

Wiser words were never spoken, Kat.