Prime Time Thread

Open thread for mocking the constant variety of cable news hackery and other miscellany.

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  • bing

    Breaking News:FUX News still sucks ass!

  • Lyle

    On CNN, Zane Verjee said Michael Phelps was photographed with a bong and the next time I heard her report on it, she said marijuana pipe. Then Blitzer called it a bong. Tsk, tsk.

  • jane

    Lyle, regardless, I hear he will not be charged.

  • SillyGit

    I think Zane was translating for the 5 or 6 people in the U.S. that don’t know what a bong is.Another useful public service brought to you by the Corporatist News Network.

  • jane

    Thanks, Git. Who knew they were all on teevee now?

  • ElMystico

    Effing CNN. They seem to think their audience is made of kittens with ADD. Why must they have all this kinetic bullshit going on in the background at all times. Like I’m supposed to take Anderson Cooper seriously when his last name is floating in and out of his ears the whole time?

  • jane

    El, meow?

  • SillyGit

    Howard Fineman is wearing his foxless hair combo again.ElMystico – Be glad it’s his ears.

  • veralynn

    why I love EJdave clark five (mccain) vs the beatles (obama)

  • gypsy

    oh man. little people big world dad is in iraq for little people surgeries! jeez, that would suck! as if having those problems wasn’t enough they have to deal with the war!

  • jane

    I’m happy Fineman fixed his hair.

  • kansasdem

    Now, this is cool:Franken: Call me ‘Senator-elect’http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0209/18913.html

  • jane

    As soon as the banks open tomorrow, and I can deposit my check, I am so donating to Al Franken again.Then, I am buying one of these, to keep the friggin cats out of mah lap.

  • gypsy

    jane i have to put cutting boards over my cooktop because my cat lays on it immediately after the pan or pot is moved. cooked kitty not so good! (it’s a flat top easy to clean so don’t get grossed out)

  • GIthePotato

    Chihuahua puppies driving me insane!

  • SillyGit

    jane -Didn’t your cats inform you that your lap actually belongs to them?That heated bed looks interesting, I suspect they will like that. My cat hangs out on my waterbed, and I keep the thermostat all the way down.

  • jane

    fucking animals.

  • jane

    They’d be long dead if they weren’t so cute.

  • Teh Minx

    Will you get me 6 or so of those beds, Jane? I’m a little cold here.Hey Gyps, you sex kitten you! How goes life? I just took a header over the shoes near the front door of the apartment, so am achy and feel stupid. What are you wearing, kitten?

  • GIthePotato

    Is it animal abuse to put them in the bathroom during K.O. so I can have one fucking hour of peace?

  • GIthePotato

    If any of you computer savvy people can tell me how to get pictures from my computer into a web picture I will post the shit out of the photos.

  • Teh Minx

    What’s up with the insanity, GI the deliverer of pups? Too much noise? I know lots of noise makes me insane– can’t stand groups ‘o’ kiddies…

  • jane

    One cat, fine. Two cats, all right. Three cats? Always going and coming and coming and going, and always too soon.

  • jane

    Joe, FB GO!

  • Teh Minx

    No, GI The Pup Wrangler, it’s not animal abuse to corral them for an hour. Just so they have food & water they should be fine. Keep in mind, though, the echo effect in the bathroom may make things LOUDER…

  • gypsy

    git…the thought of a waterbed makes me giggle! for past experiences and well it’s a waterbed…minxy…whatchu’ want me to wear?!gi, if the pics are on your computer you can upload them fb or flickr can be viewed by anyone.

  • SillyGit

    No GI, It doesn’t become abuse until several hours without water elapse.Stealing Lincoln’s Body 21:00 (9 pm) EST History Channel.Rachel is repeated at 23:00.

  • veralynn

    Rove’s lawyer says he is NOT covered by executive privilege

  • jane

    Vera: MWAHAHAHAHAHA….

  • GIthePotato

    It is finished. Go and observe miniature dog joy. I am going to go burn one and cut my ears off.

  • gypsy

    joe can i take some of them?! they are SO cute!!!

  • cminri

    Git – thanks for the heads up on the Lincoln program.

  • ceu

    Mmmmmm….cat. the other white meat.

  • veralynn

    GI, how is the puppy smell? Man I love me some puppy smell!!

  • GIthePotato

    >>joe can i take some of them?! they are SO cute!!!God/Allah/Spaghetti Monster created them that way so I don’t flush them down the toilet.

  • GIthePotato

    You people are sick. The puppy smell you speak of is the combination of shit and piss. Their breath could remove teflon from a pan. Yuk! I am thinking their PH level is off.

  • Teh Minx

    Well, Gyps, how about some bunny slippers & a Sham-Wow??Vera, What smell are we talking about here? Is it something that can be marketed? “Pupper” by GI the Scholar…I can see it now!

  • veralynn

    noooo it isn’t…puppy smell is the best…I love puppy smell GIIf they would only stay puppies, I would be a happy woman

  • veralynn

    then again, I am told I am not like othersI am also told it is part of my charmI wish minx, I wish

  • GIthePotato

    I am bottling that smell for th ladies of the PTT. All I need is your physical addresses, credit numbers with security code, mother’s maiden name and I will have it to you in 3-5 business days.

  • ElMystico

    I would be Rachel’s bodyguard, if she were my long lost pal.

  • Teh Minx

    What are you feeding them?? Or are they still nursing? In that case, what is mom dog eating? Hang in there, GI, I’m sure you have smelled much worse, and NO, don’t tell us about it!!!

  • veralynn

    I haven’t heard any dems on tv today saing the repubs voted VS tax cuts today. I did nt watch tweety, I just can’t do that anymore.has anyone seen any dem saying that? All I hear people talking about is mcsame.

  • veralynn

    it will be in your FB GI hehwon’t do you any good….all maxed out

  • jane

    El Myst! I didn’t think you existed after 5pm.

  • Teh Minx

    Time for a game! Who is in Jane’s Basement this week? And who is marketing Merkins out of shedded puppy fur??

  • jane

    I recuse myself from that game.

  • gypsy

    gi your brother has all my info from the recent credit card theft!it is the puppy breath! i can’t get enough of the puppy breath!jane, jon and kate plus 8 now live in the raleigh area. i might have to stay with you while i stalk them! don’t judge me for my love of the jon and kate plus 8…

  • Teh Minx

    Gyps, how about I come down to your part of the world for a while? Am sick of all the fucking snow– we are supposed to get 5-8″ more on Tues night through Wed. I will bring limoncello and snuggly wraps!

  • Lyle

    To butcher a joke, how do you find out if your dog or your wife loves you more? Lock your wife and dog in the trunk for 3 hours and see which one is happier to see you.

  • Lyle

    and puppy breath smells like burnt toast.

  • gypsy

    well minx you need the liquor just to be allowed inside my house. and down here if the weather isn’t warm enough to go nudey i just turn up the heat. so the snuggly wraps aren’t needed.

  • Teh Minx

    I’m with you on this one, Gyps. I love me some Jon & Kate as well. I especially love Kate’s smart-ass nature. Jon can be oblivious sometimes, though. Did you see the Hawaii Wedding episodes? How damn cute were the kiddies? I like watching them, never want to have them!

  • gypsy

    lyle i will straight up murder you if you keep talking smack about puppy breath!that is a line you don’t want to cross…

  • Teh Minx

    Excellent Gyps! I’ll skip the snugglies. Any other alcohol suggestions? I know that you mentioned these before, but I don’t want to go thread-digging…

  • ceu

    Head’s up! Bristol Palin on Greta Van Susteren at 10 tonight.tomrorow night, Sarah Palin reacts wtih indignation at the way the press is exploiting her child!

  • gypsy

    i have seen all the episodes of little people big world and jon and kate plus 8. there are only a couple people i would bother for a picture. stephen colbert, craig ferguson, chris chelios, and the families of little people big world and jon and kate plus 8.

  • gypsy

    um tequila, tequila and maybe a little tequila.

  • Lyle

    Gypsy, remember when Brian took Meg to the dance and he was drinking so much he threw up, and then looked down and asked Meg “Are you going to eat that?” Dogs are so considerate.

  • Lyle

    Chris Chelios? Eeeeeew. They say his breath is like burnt toast.

  • gypsy

    stop it lyle. you are a cruel person who deserves the worst thing i can’t think of right now! take that!

  • veralynn

    who is chris chelios?and ditto on the trash talking about puppy breath lyle

  • GIthePotato

    Git, couple questions for you.Do you like your congressman?Are there cheap/foreclosed homes in Panama City?Do you guys like yankees?What is the circumference of Mars?

  • jane

    DON’T ANSWER GIT! It’s a trick.

  • veralynn

    wow when GI said he was going to run for congress and now, I thought is would take him a couple of weeks at least….way to go GI, get them votes rounded up early!!I may be able to get you some contacts with govt lawyers and lobbyists, if ya want

  • gypsy

    chris chelios is only the hockey playing love of my life and has been since i was like 3 years old!gi. you DON’T want to live in panama city! i repeat you DO NOT want to live in panama city. about the yankee love…just visit when spring break is happening and try not to find a truck with a rebel flag on it! and the circumference of mars is 21343km – around 13300 miles

  • veralynn

    *it would take him, is what i thought I typed, damned fingers

  • veralynn

    ahh, hockeythanks gyps

  • ceu

    Yankees? or THE Yankees?

  • GIthePotato

    ceu, I have been called a damn yankee because I love the south.gypsy, I don’t give a shit if it is a party town. I am a party guy. Let me see. Drunk naked chicks, booze everywhere, seafood and premarital sex. It sounds like heaven.Adding…I don’t see how any of that would help me get elected.

  • Kat

    I’m a Stevie Yzerman girl, Gyps. Although I did meet Chris Chelios once in LA and he is pretty hot.

  • gypsy

    gi, just say you called on the jesus before elections

  • Lyle

    Let the puppies breathe. That’s a good thing. Googled Chris Chelios and got all these burnt toast sites for some reason.

  • gypsy

    kat i have to rub my body all over yours to get the residual chris chelios on me!i think stevie yzerman is hot also. reminds of julian mcmahon a little.

  • Lyle

    Steve Yzerman is a class act.

  • GIthePotato

    gypsy, I have my Jesus strategy ready to go. Remember I am a preacher’s son. That means I speak the biblical tongue better than most. I am a lot like satan in the way. My plan is to knock on every door, go to every VFW, go to every bar, go to every church and do the Clinton listening tour.

  • Lyle

    My border collie sometimes likes to rub herself on stuff in the backyard. She came in once smelling of Chris Chelios. Into the tub.

  • gypsy

    lyle you are going to force me to give you a curse filled beat down ending with you in a pool of blood from your cut out tongue.

  • Lyle

    Gypsy, now you’re talking just like my neighbor, wife and kids.

  • gypsy

    joe, you have to get your gag reflex under control. you will get a lot of toothless mumblings of praise jesus and god bless you’s…

  • emsique

    They eat dogs and cats here, although I have yet to meet someone who actually admits it. My mother in law is Buddhist and doesn’t eat flesh. Dogs and cats are even more taboo since they are more awesome than Republicans and many Democrats like Harry Reid and that dickhead senator from Nebraska. I would eat Rush Limbaugh if you brined him in a sweetened vinegar for a couple of days then slow smoked him in a good pit BBQ. Serve with a good Jack Daniels BBQ sauce. Them’s some good ribs!

  • Redmond

    Did someone say Jesus?!

  • Teh Minx

    Oh Gyps, my violent girl, I’m loving you more and more. Would you beat down bullies for me??

  • SillyGit

    Git, couple questions for you.
    Do you like your congressman?
    Are there cheap/foreclosed homes in Panama City?
    Do you guys like yankees?
    What is the circumference of Mars?

    My congressperson in CT was Rosa DeLauro. She is great. She’s almost as liberal as I am.My congresstwit here is Adam Putnam (R FL62). He is a loyal plastic republidroid. He does seem to take care of the corporatists that finance his campaign. He’s resigning end of this term to run for FL Agriculture Commissioner. He has a good record on agriculture which is where his campaign support comes from. He voted with Bush about 97% of the time. If I were a citrus crop mogul I’m sure that I’d think he was great. As someone that has friends forced to spend a year of their time avoiding scorpions in Iraq, not so much of a fan.Gypsy answered the Panama City question, which is good since I know nothing about Panama City.Assuming you mean The Yankees. The Yankees are the best team money can buy. They suck. Where I lived in CT half the people were Yankees fans and the smart and correct people were Red Sox fans.If you mean being a yankee and visiting FL, then no worries. FL is a state with more yankees in it than MA, CT, and RI combined. Avoid places flying the Stars and Bars, and pickup trucks with stars ans bars in the rear window and/or a scrotum on the trailer hitch. Two miles from where I sit I can buy a cheese steak every bit as good as ones I ca get in SE PA. The guy that runs the place is from Philly.Mars circm. Gypsy covered.

  • gypsy

    i really did just get sick emsique! really! i did!

  • Kat

    Emsique….that is disturbing on so many levels.Redmond – where the fuck have you been? Have you finally broken up with Rhino?

  • Teh Minx

    Red, I thought that you only responded to the BooB Signal!

  • Redmond

    The Rhinovirus have parted ways, but agreed to still call each other for drunk hook-ups. That’s the natural way, Kat. The natural way.

  • emsique

    Maybe I’ve been away from home and without reefer for too long.

  • Redmond

    Teh Minx as part of my new inner-spiritual voyage, I answer to all signals. Provided they have breasts.

  • gypsy

    sure minxy!brother would you answer to (,)(‘)?! nevermind…i know the answer…

  • Redmond

    Gyps, I’d answer to (**)(*).Because the third one lights up and plays a tune. True story.

  • Kat

    Roland Burris is a douche. I just had to get that off my chest.

  • veralynn

    tru dat Kat

  • emsique

    This day off is too lazy. I must go enjoy the 70 degree tropical nice day with my family. Go find some dumplings.

  • Redmond

    Roland Burris will hopefully be a douche without a senate seat. Adios, taint.I just had to get that off my crotch. (What? Kat got to say chest.)

  • ceu

    >>Where I lived in CT half the people were Yankees fans and the smart and correct people were Red Sox fans.Ahem. There is also a contingent of correct people who are Mets fans. It ain’t easy, but someone’s got to do it.And Adam Putnam is OUT? Really? This isn’t just some cruel joke, is it? Oh, thank you, jesus.

  • gypsy

    i heard the third nip plays “she’ll be coming round the mountain”….to which i then heard brother say “yee haaaa” true story. ;)

  • GIthePotato

    Don’t all mammals have breasts?Thanks Git.

  • Redmond

    GI,Take your crazy knowledge-facts to the Republican sites.God knows they need it. He also knows they’re retarded. The dude’s hilarious – and a black man. Oooooh, that’s gonna suck for them.

  • gypsy

    gi, my three girls on a potty pic was in panama city. just fyi.

  • GIthePotato

    You and Ms. RINO must of had a wonderful drug filled journey together.

  • SillyGit

    Emsique -Sounds delicious to me. I’d serve that with a Belgian Strong Ale such as Kwak, Duvel, or Delirium Tremens or a Smoked Porter.

  • Redmond

    We did. We really, really did.I found out I’m an octagon. Who knew?

  • gypsy

    burris is “taint free”… who says that period much less in front of 382 reporters.

  • Kat

    Eric Cantor used Aerosmith in that dumbass ad? Steven Tyler needs to borrow Jane’s Minority Whip and kick some ass. Or whip some ass. Or whateva…you know what I mean.

  • GIthePotato

    Potty Pic?I tried to go troll around Michelle Malkin’s site but it required way to much information. So I got scared and came home to the GDAB and posted some racist filth on the superficial.

  • ceu
  • Kat

    The Superficial irritated me today. Photos of a luscious Salma Hayek followed by an emaciated Lindsay Lohan? Blasphemy, says I!

  • Redmond

    To Joe: Oh, good. We needed more of that. I was just thinking to myself: Hmm, I don’t quite entirely hate the Internet yet. Make sure to say that Rihanna deserved it. That’s a favorite.

  • GIthePotato

    Dude?Are any of you watching the Lincoln thing? WTF did this guys do? His body is cursed. I am not a conservative so I don’t give a shit if you grow a pot plant out of my rotting corpse but this is horrible. I know he is dead but it is symbolic. Jesus, seriously Jesus save this man’s remains.

  • gypsy

    i HATE lindsay lohan. like abnormally hate her. there are only two people i hate more and that is star jones and vivica a fox! i’m pissed off just thinking about them!

  • Redmond

    I actually watched Olbermann tonight. Gearing up to be all political again with the return of Bill Maher and what the shit, Joe? They’re growing reefer out of Lincoln’s corpse?I would so smoke that.

  • jane

    Joe, I’m watching, and yeah, srsly fucked up. And I haven’t gotten to the good part yet.

  • GIthePotato

    Bro, some of that shit needs to go straight to the NSA/FBI/Secret Service. It is really bad. I don’t know why Paris Hilton’s vagina makes people racist but it needs to stop. That is why I am starting a campaign to in vitro Paris with my 8 embryos.

  • Redmond

    Kat, maybe if we combined our funds we could equal a French billionaire and seduce Salma away from her new husband.And by combine our funds I mean not even come close. I’ve got a $1.50.

  • GIthePotato

    No, brother.They just fucked with his dead body for 50 years until they decided to bury it correctly.Adding…Please grow weed out of my corpse. It is in my Will and Testament. If you do you will get my collection of Arabic Porn.

  • jane

    No new Daily Show? I’m on strike. (From what, I do not know.)

  • Kat

    I don’t think I want to know why you have 8 embryos laying around, Joe.And Red, I think we’re fucked. Or not fucked, as the case may be. I just sunk my extra change into my kid’s room makeover, which looks pretty kickass so far. But not as lovely as Salma’s breasts, I must say.

  • Redmond

    KAT: Okay, Plan B. We disguise ourselves as starving babies from Sierra Leone. Frankly, I don’t see how this won’t work.JOE: I will now specifically not grow weed out of your carcass to avoid coming in contact with your porn stash. Welcome to the Internet: Nature’s sanitary porn dispenser.JANE: Kill all Scabs! WOOOO!

  • GIthePotato

    Jane, you are on strike from the wang.Kat, doesn’t everyone have 8 embryos laying around? I always get and embryo produced after my botox lip injections and morning pray to Angelina Jolie.

  • SillyGit

    Chris -I intentionally ignored the Mets. I grew up in suburban Philly and hence I am a Phillies fan. I have been a Yankees and Mets hater my entire life. I’ve been a Red Sox fan forever as well.The Phillies are in Clearwater and the Yankees are in Tampa as we write this. Spring training again already.

  • jane

    Is there a new strike? (goes back under a rock)

  • Kat

    Packy is going to Ireland? Goddamn, I’m jealous.(Sorry, but I’m catching up on all my news. I had to finish the painting earlier this evening.)

  • GIthePotato

    Wait….Intertubes contain Porn?….*zip*

  • gypsy

    i still stand by my indian porn!

  • GIthePotato

    Shit, I forgot to tell you. I am going to the METH capitol of the midwest. I am going to Oklahoma in September. Which I believe it the reddest of red states. Oh, I can’t wait to see what a real hillbilly looks like.

  • jane

    The Internets is for porn.

  • Kat

    This is a great video plus I happen to like the song. Also, sign the petition if for no other reason than Ken Starr is a tool.

  • gypsy

    oklahoma isn’t hillbilly….redneck maybe but you can’t be a hillbilly unless you are from an elevation over 1,000 in the appalachian mountains!

  • fe

    why in god’s name are you going to Oklahoma, GI?

  • GIthePotato

    IRON, it is the second step of my brainwashing. My third and final step is in SC.

  • veralynn

    evening all

  • SillyGit

    GI -Your avoidance processes for scorpions also works for Rednecks. They are everywhere and get into everything and no matter what, don’t touch them.

  • GIthePotato

    Git, I speak good redneck. Hey Y’all watch this…

  • Teh Minx

    Gyps– What is Indian Porn? You mentioned that you have Native American blood– what tribe? Do you have any relatives that you keep in touch with??Fe the Photo Lady– I peeked at your pics on Flickr, and, may I say, Wow!! My favs are the self portrait, the lights on the window frame (can you send me a larger copy of that one to frame? I will pay you what you think is fair, or my birthday is March 15… ; ), the dad portrait and the sunflower series. You have such an eye for this, Ms. Fe…

  • http://www.windonwater.net QueenTiye

    Sorry to be late. Baby boy having asthma episode today. :( Git has made a permanent enemy of the Queen. It is NEVER a good thing to diss The Yankees.QT

  • AdyLeigh

    People actually come to SC voluntarily? Why?

  • Teh Minx

    G’Night, VeraLynn, sweet dreams of chocolate and snuggly puppies with the sweetest puppy breath ever…

  • gypsy

    gi, where are you stopping in sc?minx i was refering to porn from india.i am cherokee and yeah i keep in touch. they be my momma, my nanna, my aunts, cousins…i think you get the picture. my dad is native as well but i try to avoid him.

  • fe

    thanks so much, Minx! I’m not totally sure how this works, but I know there’s a way to order prints off flickr. if you go to the top of the photo you want, click on order prints. should work!the sunflower series is my favorite too. my house had sunflowers until the middle of november. bizarre, eh?

  • gypsy

    just to clarify.my mom is a halfie and my dad is full cherokee.

  • GIthePotato

    gypsy, where ever the hell Ft. Jackson is. Columbia?

  • SillyGit

    I apologize QT. My dislike of the Yankees has nothing to do with you. It’s all about a world series in the early 50s. Philadelphians have long memories.

  • Teh Minx

    Fe: I try to order from Flickr. I’m thinking of an 8×10. Also, would you consider allowing me to use parts of your photos in some multi-media collage ideas I have? If they would be saleable, maybe a commission for you? E-mail me on the FB & we can talk.Wow Gyps, Cherokee. I have lots of questions but may have to e-mail them to you.G’Night All, I’m available for snugglies and cheap conversation under the Slanket(tm)…

  • AdyLeigh

    Yep, Ft. Jackson is in Columbia…

  • SillyGit

    Random Thoughts:Don’t trust a man in a blue trenchcoat.Don’t drive a car when you’re dead.

  • SillyGit

    QT -People in Philly think that Yankee fans had something to do with Curt Simmons (the Phils best left-handed starting pitcher) getting called to military duty in late September so that he could not play in the series. It does seem suspicious.See 1950 World Series at Wikipedia.

  • ceu

    Git, I got your Red Sox right here

  • ceu

    And, so as not to discriminate, there’s this

  • dontpanic23

    Git: my dog has a blue trenchcoat. Should I make her sleep in another room?As usual lately, a day late and a dollar short,dp