Verbal Masturbation

Posted on 03/24/2009 at 3:58 pm by Bob Cesca

Glenn Beck spends fourteen minutes reciting maudlin platitudes and jerking off his audience. Even though it’s scripted, he just meanders randomly from telling his audience how awesome they are to showing clips of televangelists for no reason to discussing his alcoholism to ripping Olbermann and Maher — all in a I’m-so-profound tone of voice.

Watch and tell me if you can find a collective point. I mean, a point other than, you know, the jerk off.

This entry was posted in The Media and tagged . Bookmark the permalink.
  • Ann

    I’m sorry, Bob. I tried, but I couldn’t get past three minutes without throwing up in my mouth a little.

  • Lexaburn

    I still believe treating this idiot’s of Beck’s caliber like a phenomenon is counterproductive.I have an intellectual aversion to Beck’s rambling.Seriously…it’s the closest thing my brain has to a gag reflex.I just cannot lower my standards for observing infotainment tomfoolery from all sides that much.The dude is toxic waste to my senses, and he’s boring as watching peed-on snow melt, to boot.

  • kansasdem

    Sort of like Jimmy Swaggart!

  • ElMystico

    Well, see, he’s leaving out the part of the Howard Beale comparisons where he’s not prescient just shouty.”Maybe I’m just a republican hack in disguise.”Disguise?”Honesty is what you say asnd do when people aren’t watching Integrity comes from doing the right thing even when it hurts.”- Should’ve ended with ‘I know, I read it on a matchbox’Wait…’question every angle, and trust your gut.’ I mean, if you’re trusting your gut, doesn’t that mean you’re not questioning? Also didn’t he burst into to tears telling people to believe in something, even if its wrong?He goes to the bookstore?Where could he possibly be going with all this? Watching this video is making me feel like this thing is happening.I uh…I just started bleeding from the nose. I think I need to lay down.

  • kansasdem

    “I still believe treating this idiot’s of Beck’s caliber like a phenomenon is counterproductive.”But Lexaburn you have to look at the whole picture:http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/03/05/glenn-beck-fox-news-find-_n_172287.html“”I see this as the Alamo,” [Roger] Ailes said, according to Beck. “If I just had somebody who was willing to sit on the other side of the camera until the last shot is fired, we’d be fine.”When you combine this with Hannity’s rants, the revolutionist ravings of Michele Marie Bachmann, the Libertarian views of Lou Dobbs, and the mindless hate mongering of ass-hats like Ann (have no) Hart Coulter you end up with a bunch of assholes buying more guns – prepared to use those guns – ready to pull off the first true American coup d’État – Castro style!

  • kansasdem

    Just adding:Republicans/conservatives love violence!I’m still disgusted that no motive was revealed in the assassination of Bill Gwatney!

  • kansasdem

    Now, I just watched Mike Pence say that giving an administration the power to “pre-emptively” get involved in our markets would be a bad thing!!How about pre-emptive war????????????And aren’t people PO’ed because the administration didn’t “pre-emptively” prevent ridiculous bonuses to the spazzy guys on Wall Street?Fuck me!

  • http://cousinavi.wordpress.com cousinavi

    Glenn Beck is genius.He has mixed equal measures of Oprah Winfrey, Stuart Smalley, televangelism, bloviating punditry, faux humility, grand illusion, appeal to authority, pandering cliches, personal empowerment pitches, victimhood, martyrdom, and a nagging shadowy hint that he might break down at any moment into tears, tantrum, trauma or tragedy.I can see why his ratings are up. He’s like the buffet table of American psychological hypochondria with the promise of a potentially infinite dessert tray delivered to your gingerbread house on a butterscotch bus.

  • idreamofskiba

    Oh, God…Michele Bachmann’s middle name is Marie? Oh well…I spell my name with two Ls.And I completely agree with you, kansasdem.

  • GatoPreto

    sorry dude, couldn’t make it further than 42s. He does come off a bit buttery though.

  • GItheJOE

    BOB, THANKS FOR THE BLUE!!!

  • gypsy

    “big girls don’t cry, but i do sometimes”because you’re a little bitch glenn beck! go to a casting of a heartburn commercial and call it a day! jesus, what a moron!

  • thruwithbuzz

    I love when he uses the word media like a curse word. I’ve got news for you Beck, you’re part of the media, and do me a favor tell your friends Limbaugh, Hannity & O’Reilly that they’re part of the media too.

  • idreamofskiba

    He is NO Howard Beale!

  • bibimimi

    He’s a psychotic bottom feeder. That’s how he got hemorrhoids.[I know that's not how you get 'em. I just sounds good. See? Any asshole can do Beck's job.]

  • Lexaburn

    Kansasdem, you and I do not disagree. Where the misunderstanding lies is I want the bigots to go nuts. I’ve got a few I’m aiming to get, to tell you the truth. I’ll die a happy person when/if I ever do.I’m not being facetious, snarky, or sarcastic.Quite frankly, I’m tired of the American charade where I, as an African-American, have to suffer these coddled, bigoted imbeciles. I just want the battle to begin already, but we’ll linger just a little while longer, I suppose.Meanwhile, I don’t have to put up with coddled media dork conmen like Beck who will never survive when the real fighting starts. Some of these flakes have people they mean to protect…that’s their weakness.Another day…

  • A.J.

    Earlier today, I went to Hell and back using the link from GottaLaff and Paddy’s blog.He contradicts himself. He says he’s for freedom and liberty, but attempts to slam Obama, Maher, and Olbermann in the process.BTW, I would pay for someone in an Uncle Sam SUIT to kick Glenn Beck’s delusional ass.

  • LMarathon

    Nope, just can’t do it. Thank god we have the bloggerwebbers to summarize…I always feel like trying to watch people like Beck and O’Reilly amounts to masochism.

  • Lexaburn

    It is masochism to observe a bunch of D-quality conmen actors gain notoriety for saying half-bigoted inflammatory shit on American airwaves in 2009.I did not seek to reach the age of 32 to put up with this shit.These fuckers must really want to be menaced, or do they want that make-believe bullshit they scare the open-maw assholes they make a living conning.We shall see about all that, thou perpetrators of the FOX fraud.

  • Gleen Beck is a Narcissist

    What the hell is up with the televangelist clips? It wasn’t funny absurd. Just stupid absurd.

  • D. C.

    I agree with Ann. I can’t stomach to watch Glenn’s insane ramblings. But I’m glad Bob is tracking them so that we can use them as evidence during his Beck’s inevitable committal hearing.