What the Hell is the Christmas Sweater?

Posted on 12/05/2009 at 2:31 pm by Bob Cesca

Glenn Beck’s latest stage show, The Christmas Sweater, isn’t selling very well:

Despite heavy promotion on Beck’s radio and TV shows, and in-theater trailers, ticket sales were weak in major cities: Beck sold only 17 tickets in Boston, another 17 in New York, and just 30 in Washington, DC.

Aawwwww.

I can’t imagine why no one would want to spend two hours watching an escaped mental patient with a punch-me face talking about a sweater.

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  • mattpd

    dunno. but, maybe elvis and redmond coould live blog that! oh please oh please!

  • alopecia

    Mike Madden has a grimly hilarious story about Beck’s show at Salon, titled “I survived Glenn Beck’s Christmas spectacular”:http://www.salon.com/news/glenn_beck/index.html?story=/ent/feature/2009/12/04/glenn_beck_christmasApparently, the show was as horrific as one might imagine.

  • jhw22

    Sounds like someone declared war on the Christmas Sweater.He really puts the ASS in “ChristmASSweater”.Santa put a lump of coal in his head.It’s Obama’s fault.Was there a scheduling conflict with a teabagging party? Maybe if he had actual “teabagging” in his play more people would have shown up.Jennifer

  • roxsteady

    I read Madden’s take and it was hysterical. It also sounded a lot like the plot from the Wizard of Oz but, the funniest take I’ve read so far is Crooks and Liars’ David Neiwert:”But I think there’s a misunderstanding as to why Beck calls it The Christmas Sweater. A lot of people think it’s referring to some item of clothing frequently discussed in Beck’s incredibly banal story. It’s not.”Joseph Childers at TrueSlant went to one of these events, and reported back with a handy guide to it all. He discusses an aspect of the performance I’ve been hearing about from others who’ve seen it:How Can One Man Expel That Much Liquid From His Body?If Barney Frank and Michael Moore ran a marathon train session on Rush Limbaugh, I doubt it would produce the amount of sweat Glenn Beck expels in five minutes. Not even counting the words coming out of his mouth, I’m amazed at the amount of disgusting stuff that exits this guy’s body on stage. Spittle, sweat, and tears ooze of out of him constantly; I think I counted four shirt changes in an hour and a half. Nipples, shoulders, neck, stomach: every part of Beck’s body is a soldier in his sweat army. I was in constant awe at Beck’s inability to stay even moderately dry for more than two minutes, and my perpetual scanning for new leaks to spring probably meant I missed some gems of wisdom to share with you, and for that, reader, I apologize.See, you thought “the Christmas sweater” referred to a crappy gift Beck got once. Nuh-uh. The Christmas sweater is the guy up on stage.Hilarious!

  • jhw22

    OK, gross, Roxsteady. Now I have Glenn Beck and nipples sharing the same space in my head. I better go clean my toilets now to have a better image to think about.Jennifer

  • eve

    17 tickets? 17?he should have given away hundreds just to not be so embarrassed by such a terrible turnouttickets were $20

  • roxsteady

    Exactly! Why pay $20 dollars to watch him sweat when you can do it and home we’re you within shower range? You just know that he smells!

  • CMLA

    17, 17 and 30!?!!? I cant stop laughing!

  • IntoxiNation

    You should really check out Rude Pundit’s twitter page and go back a couple of days. He live tweeted it and it was fucking hysterical.

  • brutlyhonest

    What you’re all missing is that beck and his horde will take the low numbers as a good thing. Here’s how I know:

    The other day, the local wingnut columnist was railing about how the movie about the good southern christian woman taking in that poor black kid was doing well in real ‘merka where people didn’t glibly write off good christians like they do in NY, LA, Chicago and San Francisco (note they’ve added Chicago to the cited dens of decadence now).

    See? it’s good that the godless heathens don’t buy tickets to the sweatfest because it proves they aren’t patriotic or on the side of teh jeebus.

  • bibimimi

    LAWD HAVE MUR-SEEEEEEEEEEEE:http://daveholmes.tumblr.com/post/268831789