Marc Thiessen's points refuted by me:
“No hands” is a rule only a European statist could love.
I don't quite understand how "no hands" = "statist." But soccer isn't "no hands." The goalie uses his or her hands, and all players use their hands for throw-ins.
Soccer is also the only sport in the world that has “hooligans”—proletarian mobs that trash private property whenever their team loses.
I recall plenty of rioting in Los Angeles this year following an "all hands" sporting event, no?
Soccer is collectivist. At this year’s World Cup, the French national team actually went on strike in the middle of the tournament on the eve of an elimination match.
Thiessen refutes his own point by acknowledging American sports strikes, but then suggests it's the timing of the strikes that counts. Is that really the difference between wingnuttia and socialism? The timing?
At the youth level, soccer teams don’t even keep score and everyone gets a participation trophy.
Soccer at youth level -- IN AMERICA! American rules! Not very exceptionalist of you, Thiessen.
Capitalist sports are exciting—people often hit each other, sometimes even score. Soccer fans are excited by an egalitarian 0-0 tie.
I'm not sure how this is socialist. And who's excited by a tie? There's also plenty of hitting in sports. When I played, I broke my nose, all of my toes and scraped away large sections of hip skin in the process of hitting other players. And "exciting" is a matter of taste -- plenty of Republicans love golf, which, by the way, can also potentially end in a tie score.
Suck it, Thiessen.