We can safely call it “The Summit of Stupid.” To celebrate the Labor Day weekend, the Duck Dynasty cast traveled to Alaska for a very special cook-out with Sarah Palin and her family. Naturally, when such a gathering of unrivaled brain-power occurs, it only makes sense to capture the event on video for posterity. That’s precisely what Palin did, providing us all with an exclusive chitchat between two reality show B-listers, Robertson and Palin, via the SarahPAC political action committee and Palin’s Facebook page.
And so, as always, we watched the video so you don’t have to.
1) WARNING: Really Annoying Song Ahead. Let it be known that I’m sacrificing my own mental health for the sake of exposing this ridiculousness. There’s a song that plays intermittently throughout the video that rivals “It’s a Small World After All” for its ability to worm its way into your brain like that space slug in Wrath of Khan, and there’s no way to make it stop. The song is Johnny Horton’s “North to Alaska” and I’m warning you: click play at your own peril. In fact, I have a theory that it’s what ultimately infected Palin’s brain a long time ago, liquefying her gray matter and replacing it with this song on endless repeat. When you see Palin noticeably zoning out, it might be that damn song.
2) Barbecue Camouflage. The Robertsons are nothing if not loyal to the hillbilly branding they’ve cultivated throughout the run of their reality show. Even while attending a barbecue at the Palin’s McMansion, thousands of miles from their duck hunting grounds, they still played dress-em-up in the camouflage slacks and accessories as if they might have to leap into action and hide from a duck at any moment. The truth is, the beards and the shit-kicking-chic are an important part of the Robertson brand. They have to wear that crap, like Dan “Larry the Cable Guy” Whitney has to wear the trucker snap-back and cut-off flannel and Guy Fieri has no choice but to walk around beet-red with that ludicrous hair and the doucheglasses on the back of his giant melon literally for the rest of his life, whether taping a show or not. They’re always in costume. You know, because this is reality television.
3) Somebody’s Saying Something Through Phil Robertson.… CONTINUE READING