Sorry, folks. Wal-Mart is sold out of the Talking Jesus action figure ($14.97 plus tax). Here's what you're missing:
He's wearing a simple tunic with that Kenny Loggins haircut. Push the button on his back and he says this:
"I am Jesus. I am the son of God."
Jesus and his shelf mates, Mary, David, Noah, Samson, Esther and Moses, make up "Tales of Glory." They were introduced to secular commerce this fall. It's the first time the world's largest retailer has sold a full line of faith-based toys.
Naturally, stupid Christian children will believe that the toy IS Jesus because the voice chip says, "I am Jesus." Oh and there's this other thing that Christian parents should know. It's this thing in the Ten Commandments that says:
"You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth."
The Bible says gay people are an abomination, therefore they aren't allowed to have equal rights in America. Well fuck, the Bible also says you can't buy, sell or manufacture Talking Jesus action figures that look like Kenny Loggins! So what should happen to these shoppers?
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PS. I went to the Wal-Mart site and typed "Jesus" in the search box. The site told me: "327 items found for Jesus." This made me laugh. The Wal-Mart website is finding a shitload of items... for Jesus!