For those of you new to the site, there's an actual weekly newspaper here in eastern Pennsylvania called The Myerstown Herald. I've started a mini-feud with the publisher. But that's not the fun part. The newspaper has the most hilariously ridiculous headlines ever.
First, this week's issue features the Myerstown Herald Person of the Year! (pdf)
"Person of the Year: Big Bill! O'Reilly Fights For Traditional Values, Fairness"
Other headlines this week:
Police: Man Hits Mom In Head
Knuckleheads Steal iPhone From Vehicle
Vehicle Goes Down Small Embankment
Pathetic Punks Pilfer Package From Porch
Creeps Take Copper Tubing
Fools Take Phone From Lunchbox
Bozos Use Blunt Object To Damage Mirror
It's not a joke.